After doing some serious scientific research, and accumulating massive quantities of data and statistics and endless time-consuming extensive interactive field research studies (dating, . . such a chore), Bert wrote a comprehensive computer program to massage all the accumulated statistics and data specifically to determine the interaction of activities, events, techniques,.. vs results and success…… and thereby reached a conclusion.
The result was Bert’s famous "STRING THEORY".
Works like this….. If you see a beautiful sexy bird in your yard and you’d like to make friends with it… every time you approach it, it will fly away even if you have a special treat for the bird (Chocolate, cash, six pack, fancy car, etc?). No matter what you have to offer and no matter how you try you will never get close to it if you approach it. Conclusion – You can rarely go "TO" the bird, it will fly away.
Solution = "STRING THEORY".
You have to draw the bird TO YOU as if you were pulling it toward you on a very very fragile string. Of course there is no "Real" string, but the bird must WANT to be close to you… you must gently tug on the fragile string so gentle that they are unaware you are pulling. …That means you MUST have something to offer that it desires (That’s the REAL string). Sometimes it may be food, safety, comfort, warmth, affection, kindness, humor, wit, charm, love, security, a six pack, or just good company. One must be careful though…. The bird is always wary and may break the string, it must slowly gain confidence in you. If the bird thinks you are approaching IT instead of visa versa… it will often fly away. . Sometimes it takes patience, perseverance, and dedication. Oh yeah, you should be wary of previously-wounded birds, they are sometimes too easy to catch and usually only have their own interests in mind, not a true two-way relationship.
…….Birds seem to be VERY attracted to happy cheerful confident content people who are truly happy with themselves.. and don’t need anybody else to make them happy.
Laughter seems to be similar to a mating call which is often responded to.
Thereafter, Bert never approached the bird of his dreams. Very soon the "String Theory" began to work with great success. One must be careful when "casting" the string so it won’t be intimidating... it must be from the heart. It wasn’t long before Bert had many beautiful birds around his feeder. So many feathers, so little time.
People would often want to accompany Bert to observe this strategy and to seek Bert’s advice on the care and handling of birds that flocked to the feeder. Soon there were many others, casting strings all over the place.
ANYway… Bert has been fortunate enough to have his very favorite beautiful bird at his feeder for a several decades now, no more strings needed. No strings attached.
We built our little nest together.