BERT QUOTES

Bert's Chicken Chik-Nuggets ( A tiny portion of a large list).
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"I've told you a billion times not to exaggerate". - Bert.
"Criticism is simply advice we don't agree with". - Bert.
"If you're going to attempt to make something, mistakes are the easiest". - Bert.
"You are not allowed to criticize me unless you are perfect too". - Bert.
"You learn something from everyone you meet. ...
Frequently it's - How not to behave". - Bert.
"Everyone knows something that you do not". - Bert
"If it wasn't for the last minute, I'd never get anything done" - Bert.
"Laughter seems to be similar to a mating call, which is often responded to". - Bert.
"You can lead a Chicken to water but you can't make him cross the road". - Bert.
"NEVER assume anything, get the facts....then ALWAYS assume the facts are wrong". - Bert.
> > > When I taught college, everyday I'd write a little "quote" like these at the bottom of all handouts (billions). The students liked it so I have since continued to write and accumulate them.
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"Too many people want laws and rules to apply to others, but not to themselves". - Bert.
"The best way to find beautiful people is to listen to them, not to look at them". - Bert.
"Wisdom comes with age, but age comes with or without wisdom". - Bert.
"If you like it, it's a flower. If you don't like it, it's a weed". - Bert.
"Polluting the ground water is a fracking shame". - Bert.
"The trouble with class reunions is that you have to hang around with a bunch of old people". - Bert.
"Money seems unimportant, until the day you run out.... Same is true of life".- Bert.
"You are successful not when you have what you want, but when you have what you need". - Bert.
"Life is just one big series of interruptions". - Bert.
"Truth and facts are those that one already agrees with. All else is false". - Bert.
"The most common cause of aging is acting like you're getting old". - Bert.
> > > It's Hard to say anything original. I Google it first and often I find I'm not the first to say it, so I don't post it.
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"Wisdom is knowing which truth and facts are neither". - Bert.
"If it wasn’t for serendipity I wouldn’t have any plans at all" - Bert.
"That was NOT a mistake, it was a learning experience". - Bert.
"Close your eyes and you can hear better. But you can also hear better if you close your mouth". - Bert.
"It seems that opinions are something that nobody wants because everybody is always willing to give you theirs." - Bert.
"Just because you are right, does not mean you are right." - Bert.
"One nice thing about procrastinating is that you can do it forever". - Bert.
“We humans only exist because of TIME, otherwise we'd only be a static 2 dimensional blob of matter". - Bert.
"If there is an afterlife, does that mean there is an afterlife after the afterlife too?" - Bert.
"If this is my next life, I wonder what I did that was so terribly wrong in the previous one?" - Bert.
“I always lead the way, even if there is nobody following me”. - Bert.
“Why don’t phones ring during commercials?” - Bert.
"If a pendulum swings, is it having more fun?" - Bert.
"At the hospital, why do they put the patient parking near the door? You’d think that’s where they’d put the impatient parking. - Bert.
"Good advice is that which you already agree with" - Bert.
"If the average IQ is 100, it seems to me that most people are below average.. oh wait, wouldn’t that still be 100?" - Bert.
"Fashion is the opposite of self-expression". - Bert.
"The measure of a good movie is how long you stay awake while watching it". - Bert.
"Being a parent is not the same as being obvious". - Bert.
> > > I've written billions of these ~:<) . . . . (mostly "Pun" like stuff?). THESE are simply from a list... ALL my others are better.
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"We’re going to rename our town to “Point-B”. We figure we'll get more tourists cause everyone always travels from point-A to point-B." - Bert.
"Try to make every day better than the day before. That way, the best day of your entire life may be the day before you die?" - Bert.
"Bert wonders, If a bad pun is really a good pun, does that mean there is no such thing as a bad pun?" - Bert.
"Bert’s amazing observation – “If it wasn’t for me, I’d never get anything done”. - Bert.
"No matter how many times I cross the road, I'm never on the other side". - Bert.
"To be very efficient, you should always wait as fast as you can." - Bert.
"Bert’s research shows that you’ll lose weight if you drink green tea instead of eating snacks. ... But then, it also works if you drink nearly anything instead of eating snacks". - Bert.
"Just because you have a high IQ does not mean you are smart." - Bert.
"DO NOT read this message until you’ve read the other one first." - Bert.
"Bert is here to bring good cheer. If that doesn't work just have a beer". - Bert.
. . . etc etc etc etc ...etc .....etc........etc.......... etc......
... (OK, so maybe I don't have Billions, just several Million)