Have you ever heard a Pigeon swear?
.. (10 sec vid)
Simon will never get used to this... ... ... every time the same.

Amazing software that can translate animal sounds into English words. What are they saying?

I was experimenting with Voice Recognition software trying to "train" it to my voice when all of a sudden it started wildly typing text on my screen that I had not said. Confused, until I realized it was picking up and translating the voice of my 8 yr old Modena Pigeon, Simon, who was in the room with me cooing with vigor .

This is what it actually typed
"and move and moo moo moo move the Moon and moo move and move move moo in and move and move move the move the move and move move move and moo move moon if in to move moon to moo moo
move the the move and move the Moon and the move and the the Moon and the Moon and the Moon and the Moon and move moo moo and move in and…" etc. - - - .
Now if I could just get him to express his thoughts a little more clearly…

Did you know that Nutella gets as hard as a brick when in a cold cupboard on an exterior wall (about 45-50 deg with outside temp -10).

You know things are bad when you see this.

You: - What did you do on your last birthday? Me: - Why do you think it was my last birthday?

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"Remember, when you have been beaten, humiliated, trashed, and defeated, you are still taller than an earthworm". - Bert

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Amazing software that can translate animal sounds into English words. What are they saying?

I was experimenting with Voice Recognition software trying to "train" it to my voice when all of a sudden it started wildly typing text on my screen that I had not said. Confused, until I realized it was picking up and translating the voice of my 8 yr old Modena Pigeon, Simon, who was in the room with me cooing with vigor .
Here’s what Simon said.  

This is what it actually typed
"and move and moo moo moo move the Moon and moo move and move move moo in and move and move move the move the move and move move move and moo move moon if in to move moon to moo moo
move the the move and move the Moon and the move and the the Moon and the Moon and the Moon and the Moon and move moo moo and move in and…" etc. - - - .
Now if I could just get him to express his thoughts a little more clearly…
 











This is the same fellow who likes to ride around on my dashboard (Video below).

Fresh Chicken Chick-Nuggets

Note the warm earth tones blended skillfully with pastels in the low frequency range to give the art a feeling of warmth, comfort and satisfaction.  The content integrates with many of the human senses.
Many European art critics feel this piece has a musical affiliation and was originally titled "Third Movement".
(Hint - That is not a grill.  It's the wire floor of the Chicken coop).
(Another piece in the Chicken-Art series).

Ski jumping is for Chickens

Sochi Olympics spectators cheer as Bert sets a world ski jumping record.

As he leaves the jump, Bert takes advantage of his physical attributes to soar far beyond the second place jumper.

Other Olympic contestants cried fowl but Officials said they could find nothing in the rules that would keep Bert from claiming the First Place title (No artificial enhancements allowed).

Bert was quoted as saying "I could have gone much farther, but at the end of the landing area there was a KFC restaurant".

Beer drinking & grape sucking Chickens.

This Chicken loves beer (It’s a Pre-marinated Chicken). All brands of beer, no preference. It’s really hard to tell when a Chicken is drunk.
The scene is A family BBQ at Ace’s daughter Katie’s house, they have exotic Chickens too (Notice beer poured from can).

(2nd video is Transylvanian Naked Neck grape sucking Chicken).

Watch the grape go down it's neck. Video of a grape-sucking Transylvania-Naked-Neck Chicken… Also a Chicken-soccer game. Chickens love grapes.  (Yes it’s a real breed)= Transylvanian Naked Neck

                                 Grandmother Larson was there too.  

A Black Silkie

This is EngleBird.

                     Pretty birds, eh?

061011 - - "Bert's Urban Camouflage Inc."

Can YOU spot   Bert  sitting at the Bar in plain sight ??

Using the latest scientific breakthroughs, Bert has designed a complete line of High Tech Urban Camouflage outfits for clandestine operations. Using various fiber optics and laser adjusted enhancement scattering and refraction of time/space continuum light bending techniques, Berts Urban Camouflage (BUC) can blend in with almost any urban environment.


Does your wife insist that you follow her around with the grocery cart?? Now you can hide amongst the lettuce and produce departments and avoid this degrading behavior .


Berts Urban Camouflage can automatically adapt to a variety
of backgrounds.

Berts Urban Camouflage even works well outdoors. You can now walk the streets undetected.

Berts Urban Camouflage is popular amongst clandestine agencies, such as the CIA, CSA, and FBI

Caution:   Once removed,   Berts Urban Camouflage outfits may be very difficult to locate.   
Check with your local authorities to see if Berts Urban Camouflage may be used legally in public rest rooms, locker rooms, and Hotels.

Remember what Bert says - With Berts Urban Camouflage (Buc) you get the most bang for your Buc Buc Buc.

How do you cure Hiccups in a Chicken?

Bert didn't know what to do.
Video is L:\MY DOCUMENTS\My Pictures\-C Pics 2007 thru -2009\000001Pics of Chickens ... 080730 ### 2 BigBertha Hiccups o.avi

This actually for real really is the real thing, the actual unedited sounds of ... ChickUps. I only edited out the long boring stretches of video and left in the short boring parts. Bert struts around showing off and ? crowing for help for Big Bertha?

Seems Big Bertha had the Hiccups and all Bert could do was strut around crowing. It didn't help.


About the cameraman - Ace L had to get down to Chicken level for about an hour on his hands and knees to take this unprecedented video. First time ever video of a Chicken with Hiccups.

060717 "How to Make Your Twinkie More Appealing."

Recipes even MEN can follow.
AND you already thought your Twinkie was just too delicious?
Just try this, using a microwave oven. 

I discovered/invented these delightful recipes while trying to be resourceful with ingredients at hand.

Recipe #1 - Kahlua Twinkie:
1) Place your Twinkie in a small cereal bowl.
2) SLOWLY pour about 1+ jigger of Kahlua over your Twinkie.
3) Place your Twinkie in the oven for approximately 10.3 seconds until warm or the cream filling starts to melt and ooze out. Make sure your Twinkie soaks up all the Kahlua.
4) Enjoy.

It tastes just like an expensive gourmet dessert at a very expensive restaurant.
MMmmmmm.
 
Recipe #2 - Roasted Caramel banana:
How to make your Banana more appealing.

1) Build a campfire.
2) Fork your banana.
3) Roast in the fire until foamy juices are oozing out with gusto. (You can’t keep it in the fire too long and burn it, better too long in the fire than not long enough).
4) Place your hot banana on a plate and use a sharp knife to make a “trap door” on top so the banana skin forms a “dish”,
5) Open the banana “door” from top to bottom. The banana should be quite mushy. With a spoon, spread the banana mush so it forms a grove from top to bottom.
6) Pour in caramel sauce (or hot fudge, Kahlua, etc).
7) Enjoy
(You can cheat and put your banana in the microwave for 3+ minutes with the same results).

It tastes just like an expensive gourmet dessert at a very expensive restaurant. MMmmmmm.

More handy cooking tips for Men (by Bert, Master Chef)
1) Your burnt soup is done when the smoke alarm goes off…. Add ½ cup of water.

2) Want formal dining? Put a place-mat in the bottom of the sink before eating.

3) Remove the paper from the can of Dinty Moore Stew before placing it on the burner. (Note: Do not put out the fire with certain salad dressings, they burn too, I discovered).

4) Thaw out frozen pizza and TV dinners before eating, they’re not as crunchy that way. (Better yet, Heat them first if you have time).

5) Don’t have any croutons? Popcorn makes a great substitute.

6) Catsup makes almost anything taste ok.

7) Place paper towels under hamburger to soak up the grease. Throw away hamburger, eat paper towel (less calories). Add catsup for more taste.

8) Nat reminded me... SPAM... , My Favorite. Spam can be used in so many ways, and if in a hurry, can chew on it right out of the can. Use your imagination and be creative with Spam. (It's Not just food anymore)

9) any suggestions?

060622 - - - -"Nine Blind Mice"

(repost from 060622)
Then there was the time my neighbor Magic Mary, brought over this "treat" for us. So she proudly held out the plate, I glanced at it and said ..."Oh, dead mice"... needless to say, she was not pleased. It was really hard to eat them though, they tasted like hamster.

060615 Tuna = Chicken of the Sea with just 1 Flush

This morning before heading to the barnyard, I was in the Bathroom with my Pet rabbit. I was combing my hare when Tuna, the cat, was trying to crawl up the toilet tank and slipped and fell and hit the flusher handle about the same time he grabbed the lid which promptly started to close over him as he descended into the vortex.
You should have seen his eyes. Panic. All nine lives gone with just one flush.  But being a cat, he managed to extricate himself without even getting too wet… and then he strolled away as if nothing happened, as if he had done it all on purpose. Chickens aren’t known for their sense of humor, but..ha ha ha (ROFL ROFL) ha ha. That’s when Tuna looked back at me in disgust and walked away. Oooouuu, Mr Cool cat, ha ha ha. Bert

060426 "Whoa, that spin cycle is interesting".

"Bert loves bath time".


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Someone? said "People are just about as happy as they've made up their minds to be".

060220 NASA apologizes to Bert for mistake.

Dramatic NASA Hubbell telescope pictures of Albireo (means "The Chicken's Head" in Arabic) show newborn stars emerging from "eggs" of cold gas and dust — not the barnyard variety — but rather, dense, compact pockets of interstellar gas called Evaporating Gaseous Globules (EGGs) protruding from the wall of a vast cloud of molecular hydrogen. Hubble found the "EGGs," appropriately enough, in the CHICKEN nebula (also called M16.5), a nearby star-forming region 7,000 light-years from Earth in the Coopers constellation. It was previously thought to be in the “Eagle” nebula until Bert brought it to their attention. Still unanswered though is the Chicken-Egg debate.

060205 "My trip to everywhere and back"

This was such a busy day, so many things to do. It seems I was on the move all day.