After doing some serious scientific research, and accumulating massive quantities of data and statistics and endless time-consuming extensive interactive field research studies (dating, . . such a chore), Bert wrote a comprehensive computer program to massage all the accumulated statistics and data specifically to determine the interaction of activities, events, techniques,.. vs results and success…… and thereby reached a conclusion.
The result was Bert’s famous "STRING THEORY".
Works like this….. If you see a beautiful sexy bird in your yard and you’d like to make friends with it… every time you approach it, it will fly away even if you have a special treat for the bird (Chocolate, cash, six pack, fancy car, etc?). No matter what you have to offer and no matter how you try you will never get close to it if you approach it. Conclusion – You can rarely go "TO" the bird, it will fly away.
Solution = "STRING THEORY".
You have to draw the bird TO YOU as if you were pulling it toward you on a very very fragile string. Of course there is no "Real" string, but the bird must WANT to be close to you… you must gently tug on the fragile string so gentle that they are unaware you are pulling. …That means you MUST have something to offer that it desires (That’s the REAL string). Sometimes it may be food, safety, comfort, warmth, affection, kindness, humor, wit, charm, love, security, a six pack, or just good company. One must be careful though…. The bird is always wary and may break the string, it must slowly gain confidence in you. If the bird thinks you are approaching IT instead of visa versa… it will often fly away. . Sometimes it takes patience, perseverance, and dedication. Oh yeah, you should be wary of previously-wounded birds, they are sometimes too easy to catch and usually only have their own interests in mind, not a true two-way relationship.
…….Birds seem to be VERY attracted to happy cheerful confident content people who are truly happy with themselves.. and don’t need anybody else to make them happy.
Laughter seems to be similar to a mating call which is often responded to.
Thereafter, Bert never approached the bird of his dreams. Very soon the "String Theory" began to work with great success. One must be careful when "casting" the string so it won’t be intimidating... it must be from the heart. It wasn’t long before Bert had many beautiful birds around his feeder. So many feathers, so little time.
People would often want to accompany Bert to observe this strategy and to seek Bert’s advice on the care and handling of birds that flocked to the feeder. Soon there were many others, casting strings all over the place.
ANYway… Bert has been fortunate enough to have his very favorite beautiful bird at his feeder for a several decades now, no more strings needed. No strings attached.
We built our little nest together.
there is more wisdom in these words than I have found anywhere in the longest time.....
ReplyDeleteah, i like this theory! :D
ReplyDeleteYou're so smart. This is why you are known as the MENSA chicken!
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentines Day to you and yours!
once again, I am proud to be your friend,,,,and indeed you do have a beautiful and wonderful wife......she is a keeper for sure, Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!!1
ReplyDeleteCute post - beautiful lady.
ReplyDeleteAwwwwww, lucky bird..........
ReplyDeleteWell Done! In every Regard!
ReplyDeletePart of Bert's String Theory seems to have reverse psychology to it though..
stand like a statue long enough, You will attract Birds! lol!
Happy Valentine's Day!
aslow - it's patience.... trial and error... a long road to success.
ReplyDeletePandora - I used up a lot of string.
recon - I guess it makes one smarter to learn from mistakes.
equine - seems like you did pretty well too, pulling strings in just the right way.
blackmoon - There's so much more to the story....it's been interesting.
lulu - Lucky Bert... Bert had a lot of patience...
duchamp - Yes, that's it... and you know what birds do to statues.
Aww that is so precious and great wisdom from such a witty bird!
ReplyDeleteCan you put a hook on the string?
ReplyDeletebarb - when you're a CHicken... you have to be resourceful.
ReplyDeletedusty - Not advised... sometimes it backfires... they put the hook in you instead and you will never get free without severe injury. Use Velcro instead.
Although Steven Hawking didn't suggest Velcro:
ReplyDeleteAmong Hawking's many other scientific investigations, included are the study of: quantum cosmology, cosmic inflation, helium production in anisotropic Big Bang universes, large N cosmology, the density matrix of the universe, topology and structure of the universe, baby universes, Yang-Mills instantons and the S matrix, anti de Sitter space, quantum entanglement and entropy, the nature of space and time, including the arrow of time, spacetime foam, string theory, supergravity, Euclidean quantum gravity, the gravitational Hamiltonian, Brans-Dicke and Hoyle-Narlikar theories of gravitation, gravitational radiation, and wormholes.
And everybody knows Bert likes wormholes! lol!
Hahaha! No wonder you're a mensa chicken!
ReplyDeleteHmmm....I need to figure out how to make ths wok in the reverse.
ReplyDeleteIts a wise bird that know which sex to observe to answer Bam Bert is working it in reverse
ReplyDeleteNice catch Bert
Duchamp - As I understand it, it seems Hawking was also interested in Bert's String Theory.... as he dumped his wife and married his girlfriend. thereby creating the Push-Pull String Theory (It's SO hard to push a string).
ReplyDeleteCatfish - Well actually it began because I misspelled Mess-a Chicken.
BamBam - I have bad news.... you cannot push a String.
ranky - Um, well... Bert does not care to observe sex... would rather participate.
Well, that explains why I can't make it work. OTOH, I have discovered a new perfume that seems to work about as well as you String Theory. I'll keep you posted....if it continues to be effective, you might want to get Mrs. Ace some.
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious Bert, and wise to boot. But just one question: if BOTH parties are operating on the principle "don't move, let them come to you", won't we get a total stalemate? Congratulations on finding your mate and still being happy!
ReplyDeleteI like this very, very much!
ReplyDeleteBamBam - Um, no... If your perfume works that good I don't Want Mrs Ace to have some... I don't want other birds at her feeder. So far, she likes my smell I guess?
ReplyDeleteienvan - Good point. A stale-mate could happen (pun intended). So then the challenge is ... When do I yank hard on the string?
chickie - Aw thanks. I believe this string theory applies to many other things too, not just dating. In fact.. it applies to married couples too... almost any bond (a string, a marriage) can be broken.... there must be mutual attraction and respect.
This is sooo romantic!
ReplyDeleteLove2 - Back then I never thought of it in romantic terms... just looking for results, but It ended up like I never planned... Eventually got married to the best of the flock, so it was a huge success.
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ReplyDeleteMuaaaaah very beautiful writing but for me really hard to learn and perform and understand and do and use it in real life, I'm not this person or shall change myself and it's very difficult, sometimes impossible, I'm happy you have your favorite lovely beloved one beside yourself, loneliness is torturing and I'm lonely now and for a long time, always I waa lonely and lonely and lonely, however I have many friends
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